5 Reasons I wouldn’t Marry Me
So, the big day is looming ever closer and yet instead of spending time writing my speech I find myself procrastinating and posting on my blog and it got me thinking – I have so many flaws, so many annoying imperfections, I can’t think why the missus would want to marry me.
For example, here are just a couple of my flaws:
1) I’m an uber geek
Seriously, whether it’s writing code, talking computer gibberish or playing computer games I’m a geek all week baby, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Living with me is a full time geek fest and you know what – sometimes geeks can be real boring and/or annoying!
2) The toilet is my library
I like to read quite a bit but what with being in front of the computer all the time, I rarely get the time. So, being Mr efficient, I make the most of my ‘spare’ time reading. The only problem is my only spare time is when I’m sat on the crapper. At this exact moment in time, there are two magazines and a book littering the bathroom floor – you have to climb over books to get to the loo!
3) I’m an insomniac
Want to cuddle up and fall asleep together? If I’m involved you can pretty much forget it. Sleep doesn’t come easily to me and while I enjoy a cuddle as much as the next guy the chances of me staying put once you’ve fallen asleep is next to none – even when I want to sleep, I can’t!
4) I’m a dirty old man
I’m talking both literally and metaphorically! I’m one of those people that hates to waste time on cleaning myself and while I take the time to have a quick flannel wipe and apply a bit of deodorant in the morning it’s rare for me to take a shower more than once a week so normally I stink pretty bad by time I get home from work. Add to that my completely sick sense of humour and you are left with one dirty son of a bitch.
5. I’m obsessive impulsive
I do things on a whim without thinking all the time and I mean, ALL the time. Last year, I went to buy some pet food for my hamster and came back with another hamster, a couple of weeks later, I went to buy some bedding and came back with two dwarf hamsters. Last month I was bored while the missus was trying on clothes in a department store so I went and pre-ordered an Xbox 360 elite before the pricing was even set in stone. I pull this kind of shit all the time and while it can be fun and result in surprise meals, flowers and weekend getaways it’s got to be bloody annoying at other times.
Trust me – this is just the start of a very long list of reasons why I’m totally not marriage material, but you know what… there’s one reason that Steph is totally marraige material that’s more important than all the others – she doesn’t care about any of the above or the other reasons (either that, or she’s seriously tolerant of my crap!)