Alternative Bullshit – Hopi Ear Candles
For sometime now, my girlfriend has been spending money on Hopi ear candles. For those of you that haven’t come across these before, they’re basically hollow tubes with a filter in the bottom coated with a paraffin/wax combo. The idea is that you stick them into your lugholes light them up and they generate a vacuum and upwards suction that draws all of the nasty crap out of your ears and helps to prevent ear ache and whatnot.
She initially had ear candles performed by a local alternative therapy centre at a cost of £50 for a course of around 5 treatments (10 candles) and then after finding that a local health food shop sold them much cheaper doing them herself.
When she was first having them done by the ‘professionals’ she was so convinced that they were clearing out her ears that she convinced me to have a course done as well, which I did. At the end of each session the ‘therapist’ would open the candles and show us all of the wax which had been drawn out of our ears. It’s a pretty gross sight but lets you know that your money has been well spent.
Now I’m a sceptic when it comes to alternative therapies and decided to do some research. It turns out that ear candles are a complete fraud and the wax that ends up in the bottom of the candle is actually the wax that is impregnated into the candle itself… According to scientists the vacuum that is created by the candle isn’t actually strong enough to draw out earwax due to it being very sticky and a vacuum strong enough to do that would also burst your eardrum!
Of course, I know that not everything on the internet is the truth and so when the girlfriend came home with more ear candles tonight, I insisted that she take part in a scientific test. We burnt one candle on it’s own, and one inside her ear and the results were the same from both. Both candles contained a waxy deposit which concludes that either Hopi ear candles are fake or that the candles are in fact, so good that they can draw wax out of your ear even from a distance.
Somehow I think that it’s the first option.
Strangely, despite seeing it for herself, the girlfriend is still convinced that the candles are actually beneficial. The only benefit I can see from them is that the smell of the beeswax burning might have a bit of a calming effect. I certainly won’t be spending any more of my money on ear candles and I’m also considering writing a letter to the establishment that charged me for this fake ear cleaning service demanding a refund for the service, since it doesn’t do what is advertised and therefore in breach of the trades description act.
Damn scummy hippies. That’s the last time I spend any money on alternative therapy