On me todd. —
Warning, long and meandering post ahead – you have been warned!
I had a bit of a strange, but somewhat revealing night tonight. For as long as I can remember I’ve been a shy person who won’t ever go out in public unless I have someone to tag along with. Call it a lack of social confidence if you like, but whatever it is – I’ve never been one for being ‘out’ on my own.
Yet tonight something strange happened, Wifey went out on one of her Ghost hunts tonight and I found myself stuck in on my own again. Normally I would have spent the night in, watching DVD’s and playing on my Xbox 360, with the most sociable part of the night being me hurling abuse while handing out the pwnage in COD4. Yet tonight I didn’t do that – I went out, in public on my own.
I started the night at the local cinema – I’d been wanting to watch Transformers 2, since I heard it was being made, and knowing the wife hates sci-fi and action films, decided to make the most of my time alone and squeeze that one in. As the film ended, it occurred to me that the night was still relatively young and I hadn’t yet seen the new Star Trek movie, so I took a piss, grabbed some more munchies and rolled in to the next showing (obviously, not all at the same time!).
By time Star Trek had finished and I’d got home I didn’t feel like I was ready to call it a night, so I headed up to my local and had a couple of drinks. I got to the pub just as a the band Drunk Lovers, Sinners & Saints were finishing up a covers set. I only heard a couple of tracks but they were pretty damn good. Having now been on their Myspace page (link above) and listened to their original music, I have to say – I’m a fan! I really like Paramore and their music definitely reminds me of them.
Anyway this is the first time I know of that I’ve ever been to a pub on my own, without someone for support. I was expecting to feel really self concious but I didn’t feel like that at all. I’m trying to work out what has changed in me recently that would cause that sudden increase in confidence. The only thing I can think of is that I’m now older and wiser and don’t give quite such a rats ass what people think of me any more.
Categorised as: Life
Older? Yeah I guess. But wiser? Not so sure!
Seriously though, I know far too many people who feel the same and are just too self-conscious to go out on their own, sometimes even just to the shop, and it’s not a fear of being mugged or something serious like that, just a case of “not wanting to look stupid” (my friend’s words).
The most common thing I’ve identified amongst my close friends who are like it, i.e. the people I see regularly and easily scrutinise, is that they assume that everyone else in the world knows what to do or say in any given situation and that everyone else will look at them and judge them. And I’ll admit to sometimes getting a bit angry at people who stay in because of that when I myself would love to be able to simply get up and go out on my own. I’m not playing “the cripple card” and I’m certainly not trying to make anyone feel guilty, but I wish certain people would realise how damn well lucky they are (my carer especially!).
Anyway, Mr. W, next time you’re stuck for someone to go to the cinema with give me a call — the person accompanying the cripple gets a free ticket!